Sunday, December 04, 2005

my whirlwind

I get really scared sometimes of the paths that I've chosen. Being in engineering. my friends. how i talk to my family. mostly every decision i make scares me.

I've been told I come across as being very confident and strong but really I'm just as insecure as the next. I'm constantly making sure I look alright and try my best to think before speaking. And i try to remember all of the important things that people tell me. I feel like an idiot alot of the time.

I spent all of today studying calculus. I did nothing exciting whatsoever. Ok well I went for icecrream but I felt sick so whatever. I sat in my room doing calculus for a quiz I have tomorrow.

There has been nothing worth posting about in the past few weeks. Everything has revolved around getting all my assignments done on time, getting ready for exams and prepping myself for the holidays.

For once I want my holidays to be stress free. I dont want to have flight numbers and hotel rooms and closing times running through my head. make sure i look nice for dinner. make sure i didnt forget anything. make sure i'm on time. make sure i am sane.

this christmas will be no different then the last excpet that my mom is trying her best to make it more enjoyable for me and not have me feel alone the whole time. she said she would try her best to give me a birthday that is just as good as if my friends were to throw it. though i've never had one of those so i guess it'll be good regardless. i love my mom and i dont tell her enough.

i have a few guns and roses albums in my itunes playlist. not many but a few. right now its on shuffle and it plays a g'n'r song every second song. its not so bad, it's eric clapton right now.