Monday, June 27, 2005

can't get enough

i've decided that being moody is just who i am. there's no getting away from it which means the only solution is dealing with it.

This weekend was again successful, saw old friends, went strawberry picking, watched movies and sat in the pool.

I've been doing alot of out of the ordinary type things. Mostly what I see as "really cheesy". But really i'm having so much fun doing them!! Like strawberry picking, and visiting grandparents and going to matinees, walking in the park. Really light easy going things. It's fun, there's time to laugh, there's time to breath, its easy! I like it!

Another thing i've been doing alot of also is talking about what I'd do if I won the lottery. Not like i'm planning my life around it but just thinking of all the cool things that I could do. I mean I"m happy with my life but it be way cool to splurge like that.

Really that's all that's going on. Nothing is complicated enough these days to write alot about.

Enjoy the sun!!

Thursday, June 16, 2005

I don't even know anymore

It’s weird to think about really. Of all the people you meet in your lifetime I’m most likely one of the most organized and precise when it comes to my daily tasks. No weekend goes un-planned, no pair of underwear goes un-folded.

But recently, maybe it’s because I clearly think too much, but I’ve totally lost track of everything. I mean I still plan my weekends and I still fold my underwear but I have no idea what I’m doing in anything anymore.

Do I like my program? Is this what I want to do forever? Do I like working in this field? Will it really get better at work when I’m not a co-op student?

Do I like the way I look? Do I really miss my hair as much as I think I do? Should I really reconsider being so obsessed with what I wear everyday?

The hobbies that I have, do I have them because I want to impress people or because I truly love doing them?

I like to think that I’m totally not self conscious. Or at least I like to think that I come across as being independent and put together. But in all honesty, I care way too much.

I don’t take risks.
For example I don’t drink anymore, not because I don’t like alcohol but because when I’ve had too much to drink I can’t plan how I’ll get home or where I’ll be sleeping. Does it really matter if I sleep on my friends couch and not in my own bed? Does it really matter if I wake up in the clothes that I wore the night before, or haven’t brushed my teeth and taken my makeup off? Does it really matter?

I hate being unsure of myself.
If I’m worried about something I will not sit until I know something is being done about it. I’m that person who sends out all their Christmas thank you cards early, has all their holiday shopping done early. Has everyone’s phone number written down…just in case. That’s me.

Does it really matter that I have doubts about every single move I make and every single word I say to every single person I speak to every single day?

Monday, June 06, 2005

a year ago wednesday

i chopped all of my hair off for a cancer fundraiser. I remember at the time being in residence with no air conditioning and my new 'do was supreme for the heat. However this summer I live in an air conditioned house, work in an air conditioned pool, have access to a pool every weekend and also a basement with no windows and stays at about 12 degrees all day. yummy. So really my hair no longer serves a purpose. They fundraiser is long over, my hair is almost too long to call it "short" and tell the story that goes with it. Really my point is I'M BORED. short hair is so boring. there is honestly only one thing i can do with it. I guess that's why guys are they way they are.

Wow I just blabbed about my hair for way too many words.

In other news work is alright, i'm sssoooo sun burnt and should learn my lesson.