Sunday, December 04, 2005

my whirlwind

I get really scared sometimes of the paths that I've chosen. Being in engineering. my friends. how i talk to my family. mostly every decision i make scares me.

I've been told I come across as being very confident and strong but really I'm just as insecure as the next. I'm constantly making sure I look alright and try my best to think before speaking. And i try to remember all of the important things that people tell me. I feel like an idiot alot of the time.

I spent all of today studying calculus. I did nothing exciting whatsoever. Ok well I went for icecrream but I felt sick so whatever. I sat in my room doing calculus for a quiz I have tomorrow.

There has been nothing worth posting about in the past few weeks. Everything has revolved around getting all my assignments done on time, getting ready for exams and prepping myself for the holidays.

For once I want my holidays to be stress free. I dont want to have flight numbers and hotel rooms and closing times running through my head. make sure i look nice for dinner. make sure i didnt forget anything. make sure i'm on time. make sure i am sane.

this christmas will be no different then the last excpet that my mom is trying her best to make it more enjoyable for me and not have me feel alone the whole time. she said she would try her best to give me a birthday that is just as good as if my friends were to throw it. though i've never had one of those so i guess it'll be good regardless. i love my mom and i dont tell her enough.

i have a few guns and roses albums in my itunes playlist. not many but a few. right now its on shuffle and it plays a g'n'r song every second song. its not so bad, it's eric clapton right now.

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

socks

In the process of getting ready for school this morning I took a pair of socks out of the top drawer of my dresser to put on for the day. After which I forgot to close the drawer. On top of my dresser is all my makeup/hair stuff and my mirror so I usually stand there for a few minutes every morning. While getting ready for school (standing in front of my dresser with the top drawer open) a tube of lipstick rolled off the top of the dresser and into the drawer. For some reason I stopped and watched all of this happen. The lipstick rolling, realizing the drawer was open, seeing it land in a cusion of wool and underwear. This was probably the softest landing that my lipstick had ever had. I even stared at it for a few seconds, sitting there amongst my socks and underwear.

If I were to somehow be pushed off something and be falling to my death I hope that I would die halfway down and then have my soul land in a sock drawer somewhere.

I have no idea why I was inclined to write about this today considering I hardly blog anymore anyways. It was just a nice moment that had nothing to do with any other thing that was going on.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

trick or treat

Next monday is my most favorite un-holiday day all year. It's Halloween!

I get excited every year mostly because I get to dress up as a nut and I get to canvas for UNICEF. 2 of my most favorite things.

This year I was going to dress up as a slot machine or....(drum role)...a one armed bandit!! (as they are apparently called).

How it would work was i was going to have a swtich taped to my armpit and when you would "pull my arm down" it would hit the switch sending 3 wheels across my chest spinning with such things as "BAR" and a beer bottle etc on them. JUST LIKE IN REAL LIFE!!!!!. ya it was a cool idea and then my stupid roommate decided to hang out with his girlfriend instead of help me make it on Saturday. balls.
Instead my friend and I are going as the old folks home running club, all decked out in fluorescent wind breakers and track pants with canes and sweat bands. hot diggity.

I was once garth algar, an outlet, calvin to my friend natasha as hobbes and a few other random late night ideas.

This year I'm kinda sad because i had a fantastic idea and it sucks when great ideas get flushed.

In any case, 6 interviews. Hopefully theres a job with my name on it in that pool.
If you're in Toronto (or have been recently) I'm hoping to be working for the Construction Manager on the ROM rennovations, wOOt. classy.

Sunday, September 25, 2005

OMGMYMOMISCOMINGIN4DAYS

YAHOO
I miss her so much.

I saw my aunt today (my mom's sister) and go all teary because she looks just like my mom and it made me sad. BUT MY mom will be here on Friday and Heather and I are going to pick her up.

We will go for lunch.
Go shopping.
Talk and talk and TALK SOME MORE.

Because she's my mom and I love her.

More on what I'm up to later.

Friday, August 05, 2005

So it’s been quite a while and once again I have no excuse.

In the past few weeks I’ve been on several trips.

First off 3 weekends ago I went up to Muskoka and it was UNREAL. In many ways it reminds me of home but only in the things that I miss at home. The things I don’t miss are to come. In any case we went swimming, we sat around and relaxed. It was real relaxation, there was no schedule, no time constraints no nothing! It was great. Oh ya and great food.

Next up I went to Montreal to see my ex-roommate Hannah. We were roommates in grade 11 when we were in boarding school. She’s from germany and I got to visit her a few summers ago there.

And lastly for the long weekend I went home. My next door neighjbour since forever was getting married. It was a great weekend and the weather held up and I got to see all of her cousins again that I grew up with. The wedding was really nice, everyone looked really pretty. But honestly overall, it was so dull. The wedding itself was cool (I was the MC) and it was fun to see my neighbour but otherwise I hate going home.

I love seeing my parents, and I enjoy being at my house but I hate the fact that regardless of where I go in town everyone comes up to me and asks me a million questions. I’m not a rude person by any means but I should just put out a news letter or something. That sounds so awful.

I miss my dog a lot too. Last year when I saw him in August (the last time I was home) I knew he was sick and I was just hoping that he would make it to this july when I could see him one last time. It was hard to go home and only see one dog there waiting for me. It’s sort of pathetic to be thinking like this but I had that dog for 11 years, more then half of my life and the first half of my life doesn’t even count! My mom took it really hard due to the fact that she’s at home all day with the dogs and is there prime caregiver. There really is something missing at home and I don’t think that it will be quick to regain itself.

So really I suppose this wasn’t about talking about my trips but rather how even though I’m never at home any more and I hardly consider it my home anymore but it was at one point and I think that’s reason enough to be sad that it has changed so much.

Have a great weekend to everyone.

Monday, June 27, 2005

can't get enough

i've decided that being moody is just who i am. there's no getting away from it which means the only solution is dealing with it.

This weekend was again successful, saw old friends, went strawberry picking, watched movies and sat in the pool.

I've been doing alot of out of the ordinary type things. Mostly what I see as "really cheesy". But really i'm having so much fun doing them!! Like strawberry picking, and visiting grandparents and going to matinees, walking in the park. Really light easy going things. It's fun, there's time to laugh, there's time to breath, its easy! I like it!

Another thing i've been doing alot of also is talking about what I'd do if I won the lottery. Not like i'm planning my life around it but just thinking of all the cool things that I could do. I mean I"m happy with my life but it be way cool to splurge like that.

Really that's all that's going on. Nothing is complicated enough these days to write alot about.

Enjoy the sun!!

Thursday, June 16, 2005

I don't even know anymore

It’s weird to think about really. Of all the people you meet in your lifetime I’m most likely one of the most organized and precise when it comes to my daily tasks. No weekend goes un-planned, no pair of underwear goes un-folded.

But recently, maybe it’s because I clearly think too much, but I’ve totally lost track of everything. I mean I still plan my weekends and I still fold my underwear but I have no idea what I’m doing in anything anymore.

Do I like my program? Is this what I want to do forever? Do I like working in this field? Will it really get better at work when I’m not a co-op student?

Do I like the way I look? Do I really miss my hair as much as I think I do? Should I really reconsider being so obsessed with what I wear everyday?

The hobbies that I have, do I have them because I want to impress people or because I truly love doing them?

I like to think that I’m totally not self conscious. Or at least I like to think that I come across as being independent and put together. But in all honesty, I care way too much.

I don’t take risks.
For example I don’t drink anymore, not because I don’t like alcohol but because when I’ve had too much to drink I can’t plan how I’ll get home or where I’ll be sleeping. Does it really matter if I sleep on my friends couch and not in my own bed? Does it really matter if I wake up in the clothes that I wore the night before, or haven’t brushed my teeth and taken my makeup off? Does it really matter?

I hate being unsure of myself.
If I’m worried about something I will not sit until I know something is being done about it. I’m that person who sends out all their Christmas thank you cards early, has all their holiday shopping done early. Has everyone’s phone number written down…just in case. That’s me.

Does it really matter that I have doubts about every single move I make and every single word I say to every single person I speak to every single day?

Monday, June 06, 2005

a year ago wednesday

i chopped all of my hair off for a cancer fundraiser. I remember at the time being in residence with no air conditioning and my new 'do was supreme for the heat. However this summer I live in an air conditioned house, work in an air conditioned pool, have access to a pool every weekend and also a basement with no windows and stays at about 12 degrees all day. yummy. So really my hair no longer serves a purpose. They fundraiser is long over, my hair is almost too long to call it "short" and tell the story that goes with it. Really my point is I'M BORED. short hair is so boring. there is honestly only one thing i can do with it. I guess that's why guys are they way they are.

Wow I just blabbed about my hair for way too many words.

In other news work is alright, i'm sssoooo sun burnt and should learn my lesson.

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

I am Nostradamus

well according to my last post everything was going great and I was anticipating something awful.

My first prediction was that "something might happen to my dogs"

Well my friends as of last Thursday, May 19th 2005, my puppy, Dexter the fantastic rottweiller from the Winnipeg Humane Society went to doggy heaven. He was 14, he spent 11 of those 14 years with my family and with my other doggy Molly who is still trotting around. We got him in August 2004, the summer before I started grade 4. More then half my lifetime.

Yes, I'm sad. He was part of my family. Heart ache is the most painful.

There's nothing i can do but keep going.

Life goes on.

Sunday, May 15, 2005

Business

There is really nothing to report. I mean nothing exciting is really happening but it's really ok. I don't mind because all the things that are happening are just cool, mellow, EASY. I don't need crazy excitment right now. It wouldn't bother me but it's cool that it's not happening. THere's no drama, there's no tension. I'm getting along with everyone, keeping in touch with all my friends that are spread everywhere and I'm happily keeping myself together independant of roommates, parents and other forms of disturbance. It's cool.

Is this all because something is going to happen soon? Something is going to wreck my calm peaceful bliss? Things that I can think of are:

My dogs - they are so old. Fill in the blanks as to what might happen.

There was a mistake on my transcript.

My car will break down.

I'll screw up the next thing I bake. HEAVEN FORBID!

Why do I think that something has got to happen? Probably because it's too weird for me to go being so calm and unbothered. It does get weird. Everyone knows it.

Well when and if something fucks shit up. I'll let you know.

OH OH!! What if something really cool happens instead??!!??!! That would be sssooo neat.


YES!!

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

her friends are that important to her mom

I'm on work term now, that is to say i've moved for the 12th time in 5 and a half years. there are some things that i have carried around and packed and unpacked and never used. i need to do a serious inventory.

alrighty in other news my new job has potential and there are lots of young people that work with me which is nice because then i have friends! wooo! and i'm living with val which is totally awesome, living with a friend on workterm rocks my socks.

and in even other news i made it to second year. officially. all marks came in and i'm so thrilled. i think last time i might have said that i had made it to second year alreading but now i've ACTUALLY made it. be excited again.

page 3 of erica's news: i'm excited about everything. it's been so long since i've had nothing to worry about and it feels fantastic. though i've found myself trying to pick up hobbies to busy myself. maybe because i used to spend so much time worrying about everything that now i have tons of spare time to fill with random activities like television and knitting. it's not so bad.

and in closing the news is talking about the new movie about the paul bernardo and karla hu-mol-kuh (no idea how to spell that) business, frankly i had a little intrest in learing about serial killers last term and came across pages and pages of stuff on then. i have nothing to say about the making of the movie. i do not want to see it.

have a great day!!!

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

And I'm back

On a quick side-note, I said the word "cool" way too many times in my last post.

For the last 11 days I have re-lived the same routine 11 times with few differences. Let's go over there same-ness

X-day, April X:
-Wake up around 9, shower, pack school bag, go to school.
- Get to school, find an empty lab, set up my computer, start studying.
- Break for lunch around noon, go to plaza, eat somethin expensive.
- back to lab, study, come home around 6.
- Make dinner, read psychology.
-Go to bed around midnight.

Now the differences:
- I had lunch at a different place everyday


THAT'S IT!!
That's so pathetic. I have become a robot. However on the bright side I only have 2 exams left.

On to more exciting things: After my exams finish next monday I have 2 weeks off before I have to start work. 2 whole weeks to do nothing! I literally have nothing planned. In those 2 weeks I only need to pack and move. That's it. That's the only responsibility that I have. What am I going to do for 2 whole weeks!!

GIVE ME SOME IDEAS!!

please note that I don't have that much money so Cancun is out of the question. I'm not 21 so the states are also out of the question. Please help!!

best of luck to everyone still writing exams.

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

In Response to Meredith's Question

If you check out Meredith's site http://meredithshouse.blogspot.com she asks about families and what kinds of quirky things make our families who they are, or something along those lines.

First a family dinner with my mom's side:
There are 8 girl cousins and 3 boy cousins.
My brother and I are the only "priviledged" ones to be in an opposite sex sibling-hood.
So anyways, all of the girl are between the ages of 16 and 20 right now. Really we would all be sitting on the couch or outside or something talking about movies and shopping because we're just like that. Oh and we'd be looking at pictures that everyone brought.
The boys, my brother (21) and the other 2 (3 and 5) would most likely be playing with tonka trucks in the yard.
Depending on whose house it was at, the kids that belong to the house would be summoned into the kitchen every so often to help their mother cook while she politely asksthe rest of us what we want to drink.
The rest of the parents would be sitting around drinking talking about work etc.
No arguments, however much like Merediths family we're all relly loud and love to laugh, we are also very welcoming HOWEVER no one has ever brought a significant other to a meal though we've had guests. Maybe we're intimidating.
What I like about my mom's side is that first off, no one smokes!! SEcond off theres 5 families all with 2 kids, (no grandparents) so that makes 20 loud happy caring people. I love my mom's side of the family. Oh ya and we all give x-mas and bday gifts way late so I usually end up getting a gift from someone everytime I go. w00t.

Dads side:
We usually go to my granpas house which is cool because he has a big yard but not cool because the people are way different from my moms side.
There are 4 girl and 3 boy cousins.
No one really has anything in common and my one cousin always brings her "interesting" boyfriend whom I don't really like because they're attached at the hip and I don't get to talk to her (sorry If you're reading this, he's nice but i want to talk to YOU!!). The other cousins are just kinda....not like me, so really my brother and i catch up on the 3 or so days since the last time we saw each other.
My dad has 3 brothers and no sisters. His youngest brother usually brings a gf and thats cool because for the most part the girls he brings are pretty cool.
Otherwise my grandpa is pretty cool and his new wife, Judy is AWESOME. So that's cool. Plus they've both had really cool lives so they are just neat people.
Thats about it for them. Oh ya my Dad's side is SSSOOO sarcastic and has a really...vulger sense of humour. My moms side is more...Martha Stewart Family

In both cases theres TONS of food, someone always forgets to bring out the salad or take the potatoes out of the oven. We are always dressed nicely and for the most part no one argues except the siblings. Everyone is caring and considerate (even when I barfed up my dinner on the driveway).

Overall I don't think that I could ever bring a boyfriend to a family dinner because on my moms side its never happened and I don't want to start it and on my dads side I'd get teased to no end.

I think thats it, maybe I'll think of more stuff later and add it.

Thursday, March 24, 2005

My re-newed state

So if you were to ask people that I know "Does Erica like to party?" They would most likely answer "Heck yes, she's the hippiest partying cat around" or "Why yes indeed, in fact I saw her at 37 parties yesterday alone". Now I'm not trying to flatter muself but these are all true. I enjoy partying, I love hanging out with friends and in all honesty I don't mind looking after their drunk asses. I can do this after all because I RARELY DRINK ANYMORE.

There are 3 reasons for this. The first being simple in that I don't have alot of money. Simple. The second being that I don't mind being sober, I like being able to wake up the next morning feeling good and not wanting to sleep in until 2 in the afternoon. This reason is also simple. Now the third reason is the saddest and the most complicated and I hate it the most. In the past year I have most likely drank enough alcohol to drown a small town. Also, in the past year I have been so sick from alcohol that my stomach doesn't like it anymore.

Now I'm writing this because I went out drinking last night. I usually have a single drink at the bar just because I really enjoy cranberry and vodka but otherwise I hadn't gotten TANKED since January 30th. So as my third reason stands, last night when I started to drink heavily my stomach piped up "No no Erica, you flipped me inside out once too many with your devils-juice, I'll win this time!!" and then I proceeded to be very sick over not alot of alcohol. It's messed up and my conslusion is that MY STOMACH CANNOT HANDLE ALCOHOL ANYMORE. It's sad and disgusting, but it's so true.

I guess I could say that "I'm giving up alcohol" but really, alcohol is giving me up. I'd love to be able to drink on occsion when I could afford it moneywise and sleepwise but frankly my stomach doesnt like feeling that way and I'm not going to let it.

So if you see me at the bar next week, which you will because I love going, grad me a cranberry juice because I'll be driving my drunk roommates home.

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

i need a new wallet

so i've been terribly busy and it's kinds sad because i dont even know what i've been busy with. for example ive had 2 naps today. and went to 1/5 classes today. whatever i tend not to worry about these things.

in any case, the term is nearing an end and everyone seems to be looking forward to it. i know that i have oodles of plans to pull off in the 6 days i have off before work starts. i want to go to montreal again and shop my face off. i want to go and BE in toronto. not just live there like last term. oh ya and i have to pack, but thats a "havfta" not a "wanna".

alrighty. i've been sitting here for far too long working on my project. i need to get away.

much love i'm sure.

this post sucks

Sunday, March 06, 2005

I can't spell worth beans

Last post I meant Laundry, I couldve changed it in post-editor but.....i have no excuse except that i already typed this out. deal.

So i just got back from an engineering conference. It was based on professionalism and pointers on related things. One speaker i especially liked was a dude who talked about the different types of personalities and how one reacts with the other but mostly how to work with them because you'll run into all of them in your professional career.

I was what he called and "I-type" personality. this means i'm influencial, i love people, i love to motivate, i love to be the centre of attention. one line he kept using with reference to the I-type was "wheres the party at?????". really that one line embodies me. I-types do not work well with D-types (dominant, decisive etc) because an I-type likes to make a decision and go with it and get their way. however a D-type will not rest until it is his or her way. so when the I-type is spewing off ridiculous crazy brain-trains of ideas a D-type will say "no, i like this one we will do it or ELSE" so you see the conflict. then we have the c-type (cautious, and other stuff....) they are indecisive people because they always like to break things down into why, when, where etc. so if you give them an idea they will explore every option and not be able to decide. This is why i am most best suited to end up with a C-type. they will still question my ideas and reasons providing excitment however they will let me be right in the end which i love.

Now to the last type, which as it turns out is my "secondary type" the s-type. these people are steady, security and hate change.

oh before i forget, I-types are very emotional.

so anyways, s-type. I LOVE the fact that i am an I-type because i know that it embodies all of the things about myself that i love. the s-type is the things i tend to dislike. such as my obsessive organizational aspect. or my need for security and routine. S-types are also predictable and posessive. yay me.

For the most part I-types have D-type as their secondary. demanding, forcelful, egocentric, etc. I am far too passive for this. hence why i am a secondary S-type.

so that was part of my weekend, other then that we danced alot and drank so much. At our first bar i made a (stupid) executive decision to not use a cup for my beer and instead drink it out of the pitcher the whole night. party on. overall i had a great time, met alot of cool people and got to know alot of my friends a little better.

so ya, more on the DISC personalities, go to www.discprofile.com

and cheers to Meredith for giving me a link. i'll give you one too when i figure it out

Thursday, March 03, 2005

I'm not myself today.

Well I really don't have anything to say but it's been a while since I last blogged so I felt the need to write something.

Oh ya, i guess I went home last week. that was fun.

I got in around 4 and my mom picked me up, we went for dinner at my fav restaurant and we also did a ton of shopping. oh ya and we shopped some more the next day.

I got contacts while i was there. they are alright, dry my eyes though. i'm sure i'll get used to it.
i got to see my old highschool friends. that was cool i miss them alot and i feel like they don't know me anymore sometimes. not that ive changed alot just that i'm different. you know. i do different things, i wear pink, i enjoy programming (yes i'll admit it). you know there's just some things that you don't realize that you do know and don't make a note of it to tell other people. I dunno i guess it worries me because i seem to change my pattern every 4-5 years-ish. and then will that mean that i have to keep that many more people updatedwith my life that often?

whatever i need to fold my laudry.

much love.

Sunday, February 20, 2005

Do i get like this with the seasons?

I have Barenaked Ladies "Lover's in a Dangerous Time" going through my head.
I also started a new knitting project.
I made a double batch of muffins today.
I played matchmaker.
My pajama's match.
I'm going out for dinner tomorrow.
I failed to do my homework again.
I checked the website, I'm a week ahead.
I shed a tear in my exam.
I got cranberry juice on my skirt.
I'm packing for my trip.
I don't get enough sleep.
I spent way too much money in the past week.
I can't forget my camera.
My lunch is on the table.
The chinese food was good for breakfast.
I should get more lotion.
The MTS bison makes me laugh.
I can't wait to see my mom.
I need to sew on 2 buttons.
My watch needs a new battery.
I'm on the internet too much.
My backpack is ready.
Sarah hasn't called me back.
My skates were sharpened last week.
I like Justin's toque.
It's snowing out.
I'm making lasagna next sunday.
I could not have better friends.
Last week was fun.
I like to read about dragons.
I should stop biting my nails.
I did laundry yesterday.
I wish I could float.
I need to learn how to swim.
I miss hockey.
I think war is dumb.
I like strawberries.
There are lots of people that I miss.
My bed is fluffed.....and calling my name.

night night

Thursday, February 17, 2005

this is me, EATING MY BRAIN

Ok, so I'm slightly crazy at the moment.
Tomorrow will be one of the most ridiculously busy days I've had in a while. However it will indeed end in a good time, or so me thinks.

I have 3 hours of lectures and then a programming lab which we aren't allowed to start until we get to the lab. Yes I supposed this means that i don't have to do a pre-lab, HOWEVER it means it will be in the lab until 2:30 at which point I will have given up all hope of passing my "Basic Engineering Circuitry Analysis" midterm. FUCK.

On to more exciting topics.

i'M goiNG tO winnIPEG nEXT wEEK aND I cAN'T WAIT.
I have not been back to my high school since i grauated way back when. It will be interesting nonethless. I have not kept in touch with many people but frankly even when people dont keep in touch with me i dont mind if they make a surprise "i havent seen/heard from you in so long" visit. There were many nice people at the school, however i'm glad i graduated when i did. I get to see my mumzy and as she put it when we were talking about my lack of funds "you'll be in winnipeg next week and...i'll look after you, don't worry about a thing" oh i love her so much. I ALSO LOVE my dearest friends SARA CARRIE AND ISANNE. i miss you guys.

Still thinking about money, I really have none at all. My mom makes me feel guilty for asking her but really i know its me making myself feel guilty because i know that it was me who blew it all away. so really.....shut up erica. But still, the fact is i'm broke and it's a darn shame that I happen to have a slight shopping addiction. must terminate immediately.

argh. this is lame.
gotta study.

love your guts.

haha oh ya and I've been listening to chick music for the past 2 days. freaks me out.

Wednesday, February 09, 2005

music: pachelbel's canon in D, so hot right now

ok. my last post says that i posted at 1:30am....or something.
i have no recollection of being awake that late(ish) saturday night. weird.

ok whatever.

oh to better things(ish).
since when did doing anything other then using your cell phone to make calls become cool?
"look...mine takes pictures!"
"look...mine is smaller then yours!
"look...mine can have roatsbeef for dinner and this little piggy had none!"
i don't get it. remember when it was like "oh man...why are we comparing the size of our cell phones? we are suuuuuch dorks!!"
but now, no one really gives a fuck. its like "oh look it's raining" or "oh i have the new britney ringtone before anyone else" who gives a fuck? frankly, i still think that we're dorks for talking about it. i still say "oh man...why are we comparing the size of our cell phones, we're such dorks" but my friends reply "NO WAY MAN, mine has a bagillion-pixel camera with racing stripes!" like they don't realize that i still think they are a dork. ( ok i realize, i'm in engineering, all my friends are dorks, myself included but really....i guess i'm just old fasioned). ok damn i feel old, i'm calling myself old fasioned.....because my CELL PHONE etiquette is out-of-date. where has the world gone? and damn i shouldnt say i feel old, i get in trouble everytime i say it.

btw way i'm such a hippo-crit. i just got a new phone and the whole world knows that its pink because i raved about it. but honestly...if i had anything NEW and PINK i'd rave. who wouldnt!!!??? PINK!!!........NEW!! what more could you ask for?????

PINK!

NEW!

btw, my new pink cell phone plays pachelbel's canon in D, not the new britney.

Sunday, February 06, 2005

delightful

So despite the fact that it is very common for this weekend of this term to be hell on earth (midterms start on monday) i have in fact had a great weekend.

I smiled just enough if not an immense amount
I laughed just as much
and i got to hang out with so many ppl that i just adore.

and people that are usually just friendly to me were really really nice which surprised me but it felt so good to know that people have potential and that makes me happy. and it makes me happy that i'm so confident in school and i try to do my best and i think it might actually be good enough. oh i'm happy.

ok wait, i burnt muffins today and in the process burnt my hand and....ya it sucks. but all of that aside, i'm still smiling and that makes me happy.

i feel like giving everyone a hug, so as my friend reading this, go hug someone for me if not for you too.

Tuesday, February 01, 2005

BITCH, WHINE and...BITCH SOME MORE

school sucks,
i'm so busy,
sorry for not posting more often,
i'm so busy,

oh ya and...
I'M GOING CRAZY

ok, so to recap, more boat racing which was cool....way too much school shit going on....and....ya thats it. i'll try and post something worth reading soonish.

much love to all

Monday, January 24, 2005

stuff that bugs me

today i am sick and as a result i could care less about anyone else and anyone eleses problems. all i am worrying about is getting better or getting more drugs into my body to feel better.

so to the title of this post.
most of these things are household items, and most likely pissed me off today.

-finishing the bag of milk and not opening a new one

-topping off the leaning-tower-of-garbage with the philiosophy of "unless it falls over i'm not taking it out and putting in a new bag" and "nor will i take the old one out that my roommate tied up and put by the door"

-leaving left-overs in the fridge for x-number of weeks.

-not putting dirty dishes in the sink where they are at least contained and not all over the house

-the grease trays on the george forman grill. people seem to have the illusion that "i only put food on the grill part so the tray doesnt need to be cleaned......EVER" ack barf

-leaving garbage everywhere, again with the "containing the mess" idea

ok so you might have noticed that all of these are roommate related. i suppose i am a little anal when it comes to cleaning and organizing but really....the milk thing just drives me up the wall. the jug is sitting downstairs on the counter with an empty bag in it meanwhile there are 2 perfectly good bags of milk sitting in the fridge waiting to be cut open. honestly, am i too picky?

Thursday, January 20, 2005

at least it's been less then 2 months

Well I have no recollection as to the last time I posted so it must have been a while.
However I will not lie, you haven't missed anything.
My computer crashed and I went nuts, that's so sad.

In more exciting news I haven't eaten processed sugar in like 3 days. No white sugar and no white flour for me. OH MAN it's tough but apparently good for your brain. Oh and for Eunice...apparently fibre is good for everything, try whole-wheat pasta, it tastes the same to me but much healthier.

In other news, there really is no news. My life stops during school, it embodies me and that is so sad, I really need to find a balance and make better choices as to what I spend my free time doing (ie: not cleaning my room compulsively). Though this town with this weather, there isn't much to do. Driving anywhere is just as hassle and even being anywhere else, i like sleeping in my bed and waking up to use my bathroom. I really need to try to calm down sometimes and let things happen. I pride myself on being on time so i go crazy when I'm in a rush, when things aren't organized I get worried and drop everything to re-organize. I need to let go of my boundaries, that is to say; who cares if I'm late for class or who cares if look like shit at school or better yet WHO CARES IF I'M DISORGANIZED.

it's sad because the answer to each of these is: me
At least I have time to post.

Sunday, January 09, 2005

and that's the kind of day it's been

Being legal once felt like it was the "be-all" of university.
However i was slightly wrong.

Right in the sense that i can hang out with all my friends and this week has been so much fun being able to actually go to the bar. I got to know some people a lot better and had a great time finally going and dancing with natasha.

Bad in the sense that i keep getting home ssooo late, and forget to do things because i just go right to bed when i get home. I worry far too much.

When i have something to worry about it sits at the front of my brain stewing. If i catch myself thinking about anything else i stop and say "no...i'm supposed to be worrying" and then i'm always sad. I think i need to eat more fibre. My mom says it seems to cure everything. haha, shes funny that way.

anyways the plan for this week is to get all my charities stuff cleared up and to meet as many ppl as possible in my new class. i will let you know.