Thursday, May 24, 2012

Finding Friends

Sometimes I find myself so deep in the blogosphere I'm not sure how I got there. Those darn 'You might also like' links get me every time and I end up 6 blogs away 10 posts in. Today, I found myself reading some pretty heavy material which resulted in some serious reflection. All of this led me to a conclusion that I have been feeling for about 2 years now and have really been carrying lately. I just don't have any good friends.

Let me explain.

I have many wonderful people in my life that I am happy to call my friends. Largely male, we have a great time when we get together and I feel blessed to have such an awesome network surrounding me.

I just don't have a best friend, with similar interests. My closest friends live in another city, making it difficult to act on any everyday activities. This, coupled with an overwhelming feeling of not belonging results in a serious pursuit of companionship.

In the past month, I've found a way to better explain this. I've never felt any sense of belonging at any stage of my life. In a room full of women, I don't feel feminine enough. In a room full of engineers, I don't feel techy enough. In a room full of baker's I don't feel talented enough. Put me in a room full of female engineer bakers and maybe I'll fit in, I just haven't found that room yet!

Over the past two years I've really discovered what my true hobbies are and I've pursued them, which tends to be alone. Something I am ok with but would prefer to have a girlfriend along for the ride. (I originally wrote 'gal pal' and immediately gagged and changed it to girlfriend.) Really what I'm looking for is a girlfriend.

To me, having good friends means having the same interests and enjoying those interests together. DOING things together beyond having drinks and chatting. I just seem to fall into a category that lacks common interest. Or, as those closest to me would say, I fit into a category that surpasses my age group by... 30 years.

In no particular order, here are some activities that I enjoy that I'd like to share with a friend:

  • Going to the farmer's market. Disclaimer: I go at 6:30am. 
  • Sewing, maybe a joint project or some interior decor project that we are tackling in tandem.
  • Some kind of crafting class. Maybe beading, or painting, or sewing etc. 
  • Gardening. Maybe we are both new to this (I sure am) and we're trying to grow something this year and sharing in our research and maybe even helping each other with the yard work. (Now THAT's friendship).
  • Any kind of new cooking skill/endeavour. Maybe we try making cheese or perfecting beer can chicken. 

I'm thinking that maybe my two years of 'self-hobby-discovery' has created a certain rigidity that isn't appealing to many. For example, I don't want to go to the farmer's market later in the day. I don't want to do anything that involves sitting around, I'm a DO-er, not a WATCH-er.

This is going to need a (likely just as wordy) follow-up post as I think I've only scratched the surface of what I'm looking for/what I need to do.


  1. of us really needs to move to the other's city.

    It's like deja vu!

  2. ahahaha you're totally right, I just re-read some of your posts and we are too in-sync to be so far apart.

  3. it's like you wrote this post for me. i had some good girl friends when i was in university but i guess the friendship wasn't enough to survive the change in circumstance when we moved to different cities for careers.

    last year, i would periodically stress out about my future wedding (not officially even engaged yet) and who i would ask to be my bridesmaids and if it would look bad/embarrassing (ie: everyone would know that i have no friends) if i just kept it to my sister.
    also, your list is amazing. that is what i want! last year i moved cities for my partner's job and i still don't have any friends of my own that are local (all the friends we have are shared/have common interests with my partner). i joined a book club a few months ago, but i am finding that i don't have that much in common with any of the ladies there and haven't enjoyed going all that much.

    good thing i enjoy doing things on my own.

  4. I am a female engineer who loves to bake...and craft...and garden. Maybe one day we will find ourselves in the same room again.