Monday, December 07, 2009

How do you feel about your embarassing moments?

A few months ago I decided I was going to cut back on partying a bit. I was thoroughly sick of hangovers (you'd think I'd learn after the first one...) and I was also sick of waking up the next day and remember what stupid things I had said or done. Not that I was off the handle or anything, just a little too relaxed with the brain-to-mouth filter. While I have had many more productive mornings as a result, I'm still finding myself cringing over things I've said or done. I don't think I'm doing anything especially out of the norm, I just feel that once I'm in public in a high-intensity situation (packed bar) I tend to just talk without thinking. It's a terrible habit and I have no idea how to stop it, if it's really that bad, or if I'm completely out in left field.This started on a long train of thought back to first year university and all the stupid things I did as a 17 year old. While part of my brain is saying "ugh I can't believe I did that!" the other part is saying " likely is it that anyone else remembers it?"

To compare that last thought I tried to think of stupid things I might have witnessed my friends doing or saying to see what I remembered and how I felt about it. Honestly, I came up pretty empty. I love my friends to death and I'm certain they've done ridiculous things that are embarrassing and cringe-worthy but I honestly don't remember them as such. I had a friend rock star* the hallway outside of my apartment one night and I don't remember it as embarrassing but hilarious and with sympathy.

So, is every silly thing I've done remembered completely differently by my friends than it is by me? Is my unnerving urge to apologize to the world completely unwarranted? How do you handle your embarrassing moments and how do you get them to quit haunting you?

* the verb "to rock star" means to do to a room what a rock star might do after a big show and heavy drinking...usually involves projectiles and bad smells.

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