It’s weird to think about really. Of all the people you meet in your lifetime I’m most likely one of the most organized and precise when it comes to my daily tasks. No weekend goes un-planned, no pair of underwear goes un-folded.
But recently, maybe it’s because I clearly think too much, but I’ve totally lost track of everything. I mean I still plan my weekends and I still fold my underwear but I have no idea what I’m doing in anything anymore.
Do I like my program? Is this what I want to do forever? Do I like working in this field? Will it really get better at work when I’m not a co-op student?
Do I like the way I look? Do I really miss my hair as much as I think I do? Should I really reconsider being so obsessed with what I wear everyday?
The hobbies that I have, do I have them because I want to impress people or because I truly love doing them?
I like to think that I’m totally not self conscious. Or at least I like to think that I come across as being independent and put together. But in all honesty, I care way too much.
I don’t take risks.
For example I don’t drink anymore, not because I don’t like alcohol but because when I’ve had too much to drink I can’t plan how I’ll get home or where I’ll be sleeping. Does it really matter if I sleep on my friends couch and not in my own bed? Does it really matter if I wake up in the clothes that I wore the night before, or haven’t brushed my teeth and taken my makeup off? Does it really matter?
I hate being unsure of myself.
If I’m worried about something I will not sit until I know something is being done about it. I’m that person who sends out all their Christmas thank you cards early, has all their holiday shopping done early. Has everyone’s phone number written down…just in case. That’s me.
Does it really matter that I have doubts about every single move I make and every single word I say to every single person I speak to every single day?